am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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