four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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