She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
