I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
