i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
