when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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