Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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