saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
