My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
too bad you live with your parents still
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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