im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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