There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
