its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
