New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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