Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize