Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
