It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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