morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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