Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
