Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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