Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
