How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
