I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
