This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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