My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
