people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
