Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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