remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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