i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
