FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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