I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
