Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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