So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
