I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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