If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
