Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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