every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
