Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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