You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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