You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
