Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
