My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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