Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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