If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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