OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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