note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
