Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I smell like Dick and happiness
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