I didn't shave. On purpose
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Randomize