I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
