im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
