Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I will die if light touches me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
