Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize