Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
