the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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