Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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