the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize