I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
