Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
