My hand turned me down
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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