This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
