Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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