i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Found the puke drawer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
