It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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