my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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