I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
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I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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